Endless Creation Forever

Every day, i look in the mirror and i see a sad face staring back at me That same, old, tired and weeping face ready to commit to another day of "living the dream" but i am not living the dream, i am surviving the nightmare that engulfs me like the flames of burning wood.  Mirror mirror on the wall, will the endless torture of my soul ever stop? Because I'm starting to see that i've been cursed upon and cannot escape the reality in which i've been tortured in.  I have to break the cycle somehow, but i feel as if it's a losing battle between me and my desires.  I am not someone to be desired it seems.  How does one go from undesirable to undeniable?  It seems that only time will tell. 

What am I to you?   A jester who makes you laugh when all things are of a laughing matter?  The one man circus whose sole purpose is to entertain you whilst you choke on the ashes of a fallen prey? A clown whose only purpose is to entertain you and the masses of people you surround yourself with?  The punchline in every joke? "Come on folks! Let's see what he's gonna do next!" "Oh, would you look at that! He's fallen over!" "He can't get back up! No matter how hard he tries, he can't seem to move forward!" "Oh boy, he's crying now folks! What a disaster!"   You see, i have lived a life like this for long enough.  I once accepted that this would be my life and that i would continue to be this way as long as the laughter kept getting louder and louder.  Not only did it get louder, it became deafening.  I became unaware of what the voices in my head were trying to tell me.  Eventually, the laughter stopped.  The joke was no l...